I'm so slick I'm sliding into the Penitentiary

One thing I love about returning home for the holidays is that I get to visit friends that I don't often see otherwise (I know I sound like some little old lady - but it's true). One of these friends, Ivana (check out her blog: Tombe le Neige ) shares my oft ridiculed love of documentaries. But not just any sort of documentaries - documentaries about gangs, violence and prisons - oh my! Perhaps I should start at the beginning of this obsession of mine and like most obsessions ... it starts with Oprah ...

When I was in highschool I used to come home at the end of the day and turn on Oprah. I don't like Oprah very much - if at all, but sometimes she has good shows ... sometimes. My favourite recurring guest is the always amazing Lisa Ling - whom I adore and admire almost as much as Tina Fey. Lisa often presented hardcore documentaries on crazy happenings that Oprah didn't even know existed and I loved it. I hold Lisa at least partly responsible for my unsatiable desire for knowledge about the not-so-nice side of America.

Okay, back on track: I went over to visit Ivana, not once but twice this break and we indulged in 3 documentaries from the 'Lock Up' series on MSNBC. I don't know quite how to explain the joy I get from learning about the dangerous activities of prisons or the things that come out of prisoner's mouths. I decided to give you a list of my top quotes from the three episodes I watched:

"You livin'... but you dead"

"DANIKA!!!"

"I come home drunk. I wanted some and she didn't wanna take it and called the cops"

"I'm sooo slick - I'm sliding into the penitentiary"

"Booty"

These pearls of wisdom were just some of the most awesome things I got to experience while watching these documentaries. Ivana and I also discovered the Key to the CONVICT CODE. Hold on to your hats 'cause it's a doozy. No it's not minding your own business, or even letting that jerk with the handprint tattoo take your bitchin' blue hat while you are playing chess. No, it is something much more simple ... but also complicated. In order to survive inside the chokey you need to SING. yup. We discovered that not only was the guy who sang the most happy, but he made the other prisoners happy and that means they won't knife you when you're heading to chow.

Another point of interest is the programs available within the penn walls. I'm not talking about making license plates, I'm thinking more along the lines of sewing classes the Hug-A-Thug program and my favourite Amer-I-can group! One thing is for sure, whether worrying about staying a live or if you sewed those dresses properly - prison these days is anything but boring!
(note: the pictures in this post are from Ivana's visit to Kingston this summer. Kingston has a lot of prisons - bad times, but also a Penn museum - good times!)